Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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