OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
