My room smells like vodka and shame
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux