Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
