I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool