Your face is a jimmy john
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?