dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
