i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
