Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
