I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
