I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
