Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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