college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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