I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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