i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
