so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize