Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
