Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
