Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
