She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
