I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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