You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize