I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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