All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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