Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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