And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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