Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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