She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
