I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
