Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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