What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
