If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
