I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
