I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
