Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
