please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
