So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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