The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
