Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
