i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
