i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
soo... how was my night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
