Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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