So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
