I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
