This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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