Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
