She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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