K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
