There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Less talking, more tequila
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And then the night went full on bisexual.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
