From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
