Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
