i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
