Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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