I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
