I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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