I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
