I skipped work to stalk him.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
