its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
