how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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