i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
