I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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