tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
