last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
