Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
